Kids Steal Your Love

Studies show that marital satisfaction decreases when the couple has a child, and decreases more with each additional child. So why even have kids?

Even though the rate of marital satisfaction decreases, it is still not at zero. It does NOT mean that the couple is dissatisfied with their marriage. Children bring with them a new load of responsibilities. It is natural that a lack of sleep, time and money might have some adverse affects on both wife and husband.

But the full joys of having children are undocumented. I mean this in the eternal sense. Because the joys of raising a righteous generation are not all experienced in this life. Having kids brings wonderful memories and learning opportunities. But I'm sure marital satisfaction will increase exponentially once the parents realize that their children, the souls they loved the most in life, will be in their family system forever.

They say there is a special love that comes when a woman becomes a mother. But there is an even greater love that comes when a mother becomes a grandmother. Though marital satisfaction may decrease for a time as the challenges of raising children come into play, the increase in marital satisfaction over the course of a lifetime and the eternities never stops.

My grandparents (bottom left) and their 5 children, including my mother on the top left

Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

What is Love?

We see love in many forms-parental love, friendship, romance, and benevolence. So what is the definition of love?

The four main forms of love:
Storge-love between parents and their children
Philia-love between friends
Eros-love between men and women
Agape-love for the well-being of someone whether you like them or not

The Bible Dictionary states that love is "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love." How is that? Because it is "not merely affection" but "the pure love of Christ."

So which category does this form of love fall into?

Charity is loving others like Christ loves us. How much does Jesus Christ love us? He lived a perfect life, then was tortured and crucified so that he could save a bunch of people who lived imperfectly. Some of these people hated him and participated in executing his death. Is it even possible to love people as purely as he does?

Christ's love is not fleeting. It is eternal. Our relationships on this earth have the opportunity to be directed by the same kind of love that caused Christ to lay down his life for the sinner. Because love is eternal, if we choose it to be. Yes, love is a choice. There are no "soul mates." There is no "one and only." You may be more prone to like one person over another but ultimately we choose to love people. You can test this. Pick a person you don't love or even like. Pray for them earnestly by name for a month. Then check your feelings for them. You will grow to love them, because you are choosing to make them a priority, you are choosing to care about them. 

In the end, shouldn't we choose to love everyone?

Are You Responsible for Your Gender?

Is it true that mothers have specific roles? and fathers too?

Are mothers natural nurturers and fathers providers, or is that simply what society is telling them?

The Family: A Proclamation to the World gives us insight into these deep and controversial questions:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."

So does God expect each man to go to work during the day and each woman to cook meals, wash dishes, and clean laundry? 

Let's focus on the fact that mothers and fathers are obligated to help as EQUAL partners. 

In the wild do we condemn mother birds for being the ones who build the nest? Do we glorify penguins for being progressive parents because the females hunt while the males sit on the eggs? (Even though they've employed those roles since their existence began)

Is it  so strange to believe that it's natural for parents to be prone to specific roles? 

Doesn't nature prove that certain genders follow a pattern for life?

This isn't to say that a man may not stay home with his children or that a woman is wrong to have a stable job, but we should be less critical of nature and less judgmental of others choices.

We were made by a being who is far wiser than us. Instead of asking each other what's right, let's ask Him. 

Okay, Mom

I can't sing Christmas songs until December-it's part of who I am. Because that's what my mom did. 

More and more often I see my mother in me. My siblings note it when I send them a text and they reply "okay, Mom." I look like my mother but more interestingly I am becoming like her in personality and character. 

Why?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 

Everyone is most likely to end up in the same situation in which they grew up. Spending a lifetime in a certain class, society, culture, has a significant impact on our future preferences and lifestyle.

This isn't to say that there aren't exceptions, but typically we will be with people who are most like us, and we will live in a situation which is similar to how we grew up.

Tradition and customs--They are more powerful than we realize. 

So when kids say "I want to grow up to be like my mom or dad" they probably will. 

The Unspoken

Have you ever said "My mom and I are really close, but I would never ask her about ___" or "My sister and I are best friends but we don't talk about ___." These are family dynamics.
Everyone has them. Everyone obeys the unspoken family rules: don't talk about Mom's ex-husband, or sister's weight, and don't you dare back-talk dad.

- Why do we obey these rules? Because they keep the peace. We desire harmony within our families.
- How do we know these rules exist? Probably because we broke them at some point.

I went to the grocery store yesterday. I noticed a little boy about two years old, scooting on the floor imitating a mop. I smiled as I watched him for a few seconds before scanning around for his parents. The mother with an exasperated look on her face, turned to the father and said "he's on the floor, scooting everywhere." They discussed whether children rolling on the floor in the grocery store was okay for their family standards or not. Minutes later I saw the boy still gleefully engaged in cleaning the floor with his clothes. I guess in that family it's okay to be a little rambunctious in public. To each their own-as long as you follow the rules of your own.