Parenting Isn't Fair

There is an increasing sense of self in the world today. More people are opting for the childless life. They are right in the fact that raising children wears on your emotions and wallet, but there is a lot to gain. Have you ever heard your parent say that you just can't understand how much they love you until you have your own children? Maybe they're right. Maybe we can't assume what parenthood will be like until we've experienced it.
Every child has a unique spirit and brings specific joys and challenges into the lives of it's family members. Sometimes you are dealt the hand of a colicky baby, or a tantrum loving toddler. But no matter the challenge you face, you still have the guarantee that Heavenly Father loves your family. He wants your family to be happy and succeed in life. Even if you can't "control" your kids like you may want to, each soul has agency. God is on your side in raising a righteous family. Trust in His power and in the grace of Jesus Christ because they want your family to be happy as much as you do.

Divorce-Do or Don't?

Marriage isn't easy. It's not intended to be. That's why it's so good for us-we have opportunities to grow and to develop Christ-like qualities including charity, humility, and love. 

But sometimes the challenges become so much that the marriage itself is called into consideration.

What are the consequences of divorce? There are more than you might think.

The majority of people who decided to work through the challenges and not get a divorce found that their marriage was stronger and more satisfying than before. Most who did get a divorce wished they had tried to work through the challenges, and admitted that they thought the relationship would have improved if they had stuck with it. 

Why does marriage matter?

God's greatest creation is the family. The uniting of souls for a divine purpose is of great importance. 

We do not have the right to judge others. We cannot say that a person was right or wrong for divorcing, it is not our place. But we can do everything we can to uphold God's standard and strive to develop strong relationships without our on families.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:
“There may be now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us, which seems to be growing everywhere, is not of God, but rather is the work of the adversary of righteousness and peace and truth” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 96–98; or Ensign, May 1991, 73–74).

The enemy is not your spouse. The enemy is Satan. He wants you to fight. He wants your marriage to fail. He wants you to be unhappy and break the most sacred of covenants.

Picture your idea of the 50's: fathers working outside the home, mom's cooking meals and teaching children. It's a lot different in society today. Increasing numbers of households have both spouses bringing home the bacon. Standards for life are different and with increasing costs comes an increasing amount of people who need to work. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if a woman gets married, and has kids. She may still expect to work. Some people say this is modern and intelligent. Some claim it is neglecting the roles a woman should rightly fulfill. What's the right answer?

No one can place such judgment on the working lifestyle of another. Each family unit has different challenges, and needs. For one family it may be helpful (financially, emotionally, intellectually) for the mother to hold a part time job. For another, the woman may be more economically stable, emotionally fit, and intellectually challenged by raising a family at home. The key is that both spouses agree on what their goal is, and how to maintain it. Unity. 

Don't Assume

"They just don't communicate."
We've probably said that a time or two about a spouse, family member, or friend. The problem is not that people don't communicate it's that they communicate poorly. Ans usually it is both parties that are at fault here.
Not saying something is just as influential as saying something. Let's remember that silent treatment is a form of communication. If it weren't we wouldn't do it.
A good rule for communicating with others is DON'T ASSUME. When we assume that we now what the other person is thinking, or even what they are saying we can get in serious trouble. Don't be afraid to clarify and to ask for clarification.
You can avoid a lot of contention and confusion if you seek to gain understanding instead of seeking to make a stance and win.

It's as Bad as You Think It Is

CRISIS

Every person experiences crisis in their lives. 

Have you ever seen people post of facebook about their trials? They range from bad waiters to cancerous tumors. But different people handle dilemmas differently. And this may come as a shock to you, but there are better ways of dealing with crisis.

My favorite quote is "Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out." -John Wooden

So much of how much a situation affects us is based on how we perceive the situation. The better attitude we have, the better the outcome will be.

For example, there are many people who are uncertain about an afterlife. When a family member dies they imagine it is the end, and the death has a hugely negative impact on them. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have faith that everyone lives after mortality, and we can be together as families for eternity. This perspective helps us to handle the crisis of death in a much less mournful pattern. We have hope instead of despair. We have faith instead of fear. 

How would it affect our lives if we handled every challenge with the optimism that the atonement gives us-with the belief that everything will be okay? I'm willing to try it out. 

Becoming Like Satan

In chapter one of the manual A Parent's Guide it states:

"The philosophy of the world follows Satan: “Do your own thing.” “What’s in it for me?” “If you think it’s right, it’s right.” “If it feels good, do it.” As a result of such thinking, people turn away from God and focus on themselves, doing just what Satan himself wanted to do—setting themselves up as the judges of what is right and wrong and taking to themselves all honor and glory. They treat other people largely as a means to their own gain, their own pleasure. Ultimately, they are miserable—because happiness is the result of becoming like God, not like Satan."

So much of the world criticizes standards. If we follow a certain normal then we are seen as unintelligent, old-fashioned, and unable to think for ourselves. Adam and Eve didn't have the wrong idea; The world today does. 

Let me be less vague. The "ideal" family of a loving father and mother, with multiple children, all living under the same roof, is the ideal. If you don't have that, it doesn't mean those who do think you're bad. The world is not perfect and few people will be blessed with the perfect family situation. But if you want to provide the best future for your family, you will TRY to reach the ideal. You don't just "fit" this standard. You work for it. Remember, the best things in life don't come easy. 

Kids Steal Your Love

Studies show that marital satisfaction decreases when the couple has a child, and decreases more with each additional child. So why even have kids?

Even though the rate of marital satisfaction decreases, it is still not at zero. It does NOT mean that the couple is dissatisfied with their marriage. Children bring with them a new load of responsibilities. It is natural that a lack of sleep, time and money might have some adverse affects on both wife and husband.

But the full joys of having children are undocumented. I mean this in the eternal sense. Because the joys of raising a righteous generation are not all experienced in this life. Having kids brings wonderful memories and learning opportunities. But I'm sure marital satisfaction will increase exponentially once the parents realize that their children, the souls they loved the most in life, will be in their family system forever.

They say there is a special love that comes when a woman becomes a mother. But there is an even greater love that comes when a mother becomes a grandmother. Though marital satisfaction may decrease for a time as the challenges of raising children come into play, the increase in marital satisfaction over the course of a lifetime and the eternities never stops.

My grandparents (bottom left) and their 5 children, including my mother on the top left

Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

What is Love?

We see love in many forms-parental love, friendship, romance, and benevolence. So what is the definition of love?

The four main forms of love:
Storge-love between parents and their children
Philia-love between friends
Eros-love between men and women
Agape-love for the well-being of someone whether you like them or not

The Bible Dictionary states that love is "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love." How is that? Because it is "not merely affection" but "the pure love of Christ."

So which category does this form of love fall into?

Charity is loving others like Christ loves us. How much does Jesus Christ love us? He lived a perfect life, then was tortured and crucified so that he could save a bunch of people who lived imperfectly. Some of these people hated him and participated in executing his death. Is it even possible to love people as purely as he does?

Christ's love is not fleeting. It is eternal. Our relationships on this earth have the opportunity to be directed by the same kind of love that caused Christ to lay down his life for the sinner. Because love is eternal, if we choose it to be. Yes, love is a choice. There are no "soul mates." There is no "one and only." You may be more prone to like one person over another but ultimately we choose to love people. You can test this. Pick a person you don't love or even like. Pray for them earnestly by name for a month. Then check your feelings for them. You will grow to love them, because you are choosing to make them a priority, you are choosing to care about them. 

In the end, shouldn't we choose to love everyone?

Are You Responsible for Your Gender?

Is it true that mothers have specific roles? and fathers too?

Are mothers natural nurturers and fathers providers, or is that simply what society is telling them?

The Family: A Proclamation to the World gives us insight into these deep and controversial questions:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."

So does God expect each man to go to work during the day and each woman to cook meals, wash dishes, and clean laundry? 

Let's focus on the fact that mothers and fathers are obligated to help as EQUAL partners. 

In the wild do we condemn mother birds for being the ones who build the nest? Do we glorify penguins for being progressive parents because the females hunt while the males sit on the eggs? (Even though they've employed those roles since their existence began)

Is it  so strange to believe that it's natural for parents to be prone to specific roles? 

Doesn't nature prove that certain genders follow a pattern for life?

This isn't to say that a man may not stay home with his children or that a woman is wrong to have a stable job, but we should be less critical of nature and less judgmental of others choices.

We were made by a being who is far wiser than us. Instead of asking each other what's right, let's ask Him. 

Okay, Mom

I can't sing Christmas songs until December-it's part of who I am. Because that's what my mom did. 

More and more often I see my mother in me. My siblings note it when I send them a text and they reply "okay, Mom." I look like my mother but more interestingly I am becoming like her in personality and character. 

Why?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 

Everyone is most likely to end up in the same situation in which they grew up. Spending a lifetime in a certain class, society, culture, has a significant impact on our future preferences and lifestyle.

This isn't to say that there aren't exceptions, but typically we will be with people who are most like us, and we will live in a situation which is similar to how we grew up.

Tradition and customs--They are more powerful than we realize. 

So when kids say "I want to grow up to be like my mom or dad" they probably will. 

The Unspoken

Have you ever said "My mom and I are really close, but I would never ask her about ___" or "My sister and I are best friends but we don't talk about ___." These are family dynamics.
Everyone has them. Everyone obeys the unspoken family rules: don't talk about Mom's ex-husband, or sister's weight, and don't you dare back-talk dad.

- Why do we obey these rules? Because they keep the peace. We desire harmony within our families.
- How do we know these rules exist? Probably because we broke them at some point.

I went to the grocery store yesterday. I noticed a little boy about two years old, scooting on the floor imitating a mop. I smiled as I watched him for a few seconds before scanning around for his parents. The mother with an exasperated look on her face, turned to the father and said "he's on the floor, scooting everywhere." They discussed whether children rolling on the floor in the grocery store was okay for their family standards or not. Minutes later I saw the boy still gleefully engaged in cleaning the floor with his clothes. I guess in that family it's okay to be a little rambunctious in public. To each their own-as long as you follow the rules of your own.

"If my life is just for me, then I don't want it." -Bob Marley

I am terrified right down to my very core to get married and have kids. Terrified of all the unknowns, all the things that could go wrong. The only thing more frightening than having a family is not having one.

I like to ask people: What is your happiest memory? I have yet to hear a response where FAMILY was not in the description. Family is everything. It is the ultimate commitment, the ultimate love. So when people ask how many kids I want and if I'm worried about overpopulation, I don't have an exact answer but I do know that my life would not be worth living if I didn't have family.

Why I'm here

My thoughts are valuable. That's what my teacher is saying when he asks me to create a blog and share my ideas with the world.
I won't say that my thoughts are unique. I won't claim to carry the answers to your problems. I don't know the answers to my own problems.
I am however, extremely important. I am the child of a king. Not a king of this earth, but the ruler of all time and eternity. And the grace of creation is that I'm not the only one. I'm not the only heir. So are you. So is your brother, sister, cousin, parent, nephew, best friend, and worst enemy. Each person on this earth has potential that can't be comprehended.
So hear me out. Take in my thoughts. Then share your own and I will do the same.